Monday, April 17, 2006

Instant Insult

Well finally something to make my day.

Certainly something to almost go some way to not quite making up for this miserable bank holiday easter weekend.

Potentially something to really have made the week, if not the month, or even the year thus far almost worth its abnoxious pointless boring time...

Yeh, its as cheesy as all hell, and really quite naff I guess, but its just so cuel.

Its a piece of freeware for my Nokia 6630 symbian OS smartphone.

Its a 'random insult generator' piece of software.

The insults are pretty crap though, and I've not seen one yet with a single fucking swear word in it.

here, then, for the entertainment of everyone out in the intardnet land, is an insult generated live, on my phone in the spare room in my house in Cambridge.

Your Funky aunt brushes a punpkin in the forest!

fuck me, that was great, heres another

Your Crazed cat rides on a peanut in a car park!

Actually these are kinda surreal in a way I muchly approve of.

Anyone who's mobile number I have may expect to randomly recieve any of these at random times whilst I'm pissed....; It has a neat feature so you can automatically put the text of the insult into a text message.

Oh, I hear the cries of adulation for this gem of a piece of software, so, for the adoring fans out there, lets have one more for luck...

Your insane Brother carries a chicken in a bakery!

Heck I really like that last one, kinda poetic in its visualisation of the scene there, wouldn't you say? I mean, yeh, I can see what its getting at; how c-crazy would your Brother really have to be to carry a chicken in his bakery? Pretty damn crazy is my guess, answers on a pissedcard to your Brother..

Your senseless Grandmother kisses an armchair at school!

Sorry, I just couldn't resist another one...

Now, that ones really got me thinking... I mean, an arm chair?; thats just so totally and utterly insane man, and in a school?; There should be a whole new subcatogry of sexual deviance just to explain that one. I mean, can you imagine what the school governers would say? Phew, I wouldn't like to be the headmaster having to write a letter to all the pupils parents to explain this one away.... Just crazy, crazier than lampost with its own IP address...

My aunt has been brushing pumpkins to the sound of Bootsy Collins for over 20 years now. I am most insulted.
I wanna insult sent to me! wah!

Les insults = le cool.
Well, I am flabergasted that your Aunt has been doing such things, hasn't she ever gotten in to trubble with the Animal liberation people? Well if you want a random insult sent to your phone, I'd need your mobile.... if you Email me at, I can send you my mobile number if you'd really like to recieve random txt messages from me whilst I'm drunk or bored, or as is more often the case drunk and bored...
Far from getting in trouble with the ALF, my aunt is a section commander, with responsability for laying mines in the Durham area.
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